When the sun sets

The echo of the laughter from last night rings in my ears.

The salty kick from the lamb kebob is disintegrated into a bland tasteless pile of saliva.

The life that once vibrated with every note I sang and every teethful smile rolled to a halt.

The questions in my mind quiet down as if the main event is about to start on stage, and we're all waiting for the extravaganza.

But there is no show, when the sun sets.

In my mind, lies a hollow chamber, where you can hear a pin drop, and feel the burn of a tear drop.

But tonight, no tears drop, because no tears in my understanding of reality deserves a drop of emotion.

Like the death of a butterfly, this too, has had its time in the fluid, seamless experience we call life.

And it too, shall pass, along with the army of moments that once dictated, defined, and molded our experience.

Due to history, I've learned to protect myself. I haven't grown bitter, sour, and dismissive.

But I still have the same immune system that kept me going when I nearly lost everything I thought I had, if not stronger now.

There's a lot that goes on in your mind, I know.

You're a complicated being, I know.

You struggle with trust and security, I know.

You wish the world wasn't so, I know.

You have a deep capacity for comfort, I know.

But I also know, that you don't have a deep capacity for love.

I know that you are unable to see beyond the walls of your skull.

I know that it's not your time yet to learn about yourself.

I know you're going to face many more walls before you learn to climb over them, tactfully and gracefully.

I know one day you'll spread your wings and soar, not now but eventually, and you'll take whoever you love with you on a magical mystery ride.

And I wish you the best. But I won't be there to see you take off.

I won't be there to applaud your courage, your newfound liberty.

I won't try to save you right now, because now's not the time, and you don't want to be saved either way.

Because when the sun sets, I will be on my own.

Reminiscing on the memories, like sandcastles we built yesterday washed away by waves today.

When the sun sets, I will return to where I belong.

Breathing in life as the next chapter unfolds, and breathing out the weight I've accumulated.

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